Hello

Thank you for dropping by my space!

I count myself a lifestyle blogger however, many of my posts cover deeper subjects including my battles with food, my struggles with the past and body image. I try to be as authentic as possible and I don’t sugar coat how I see things. 

Bulimia (Trigger Warning)

Bulimia (Trigger Warning)

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From the age of 12 I have used throwing up as a way of control. I learned it from a friend. I learned very earlier on to control how I threw up. I could time it to a convenient time and place. I could also stop part way through, if I was interrupted. A skill that came in very handy when learning to hide what I was doing. I didn't think it was wrong, I just did not want anyone to know. It was my secret and my way of dealing. I am lucky. This habit didn't kill me, though it has put a lot of strain on my body. I believe it is a part of the reason I had gall bladder issues at 21 and had to be hospitalized for a month. I had two amazing people who unknowingly forced me to eat and to eat more than a bag of gummy worms. They are the biggest reason I am still here today. I am lucky in the fact that I found a reason to live again. Everyone always asks in high school "where do you see yourself in 10 years?" For me the unvoiced answer was dead. I have just hit that ten-year mark and I am so not ready to give up living anytime soon.

The other day I caught the flu and for the first time in years I threw up in an uncontrollable manner. Projectile vomiting is unpleasant and a horrible mess to clean. That feeling of not being able to control my body is new sensation. Since I've stopped working I have provoked myself once. It's time to put that behind me and realizing that purging myself is not control. 

Bulimnia

Written Summer 2014

My Color Story

My Color Story

The Story of the Girl Behind the Paino

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