Getting Comfortable with Being Alone
I have never been alone. Even as I type this I am not truly alone. I have friends, family, and Kevin. However until we moved to Madison I had never spent days alone in a house, there has always been someone with me. But Madison created an interesting challenge. As a super shy person, I am struggling to met people. So when Kevin has a work trip I spend that time by myself.
The first trip was dreadful, but I've gotten better at it. The first thing I do, is set up all my stuff in the living room, kinda like I'm camping. It makes things not seem so alone when you are sleeping on a couch for one, instead of a queen. Then I go grocery shopping. I made a mistake one trip of just picking up all candy and while it was delicious, also made me ill and grumpy. So now I pick up hearty foods, foods that I can make in a big batch so I can eat for the entire duration he is gone. Sometimes I don't end up eating any of it, but sometimes I do and having it there is important because it makes things better. Everything is better with food.
But I've realized that I can't just stay home, I need to do more.
So for this most recent trip I decided to challenge myself with daily yoga and an outdoor photo shoot on one of those days. I thought the photo shoot would be difficult, I have a lot of trouble getting outside to shoot and then the first night Kevin was gone, I looked outside and there was the most beautiful sunset.
The sky surprised me so much! From our apartment I usually miss the beauty of a sunset because of an apartment building right in front of us. It's unusual to see it higher than the building, but that night it was and that first shoot is just of the sky above it. It got me excited enough to hop in the car and drive to a nearby parking lot, that has access to a walking path, some forest, and a bridge.
The last two trips I've realized that I really love being on my own and exploring the world by myself. And although I would much rather explore the world with Kevin sharing the experience. It's good to feel strong and find beauty around me.