Making the Right Decision

Everyone tells me that, as a woman, I will one day get this urge, unresistible urge, to have babies. But at almost thirty-one years of age and having actively not wanted children for over half that time, I do not forsee that urge ever happening. The next thing is pets, if you aren't having children "obviously" you are going to be a mother to a fur baby of some sort. My doctor told me a pet might help my mental health. Friends have said the same thing. There's this pressure that a pet will fix things. 


Kevin and I have talked about getting a pet for years. It's always been on our one day goal list and until recently we've never felt financially stable enough to do it. We honestly didn't think we could get a puppy right away. Having already spent years researching, we knew that due to my allergies we would have to adopt from a reputable breeder, where we could meet the parents of the puppy. We also knew that a rescue was not the type of dog for us. One day I happened to google poodle breeders and found a reputable one only an hour away. A phone call to ask questions, led to the discovery that she had puppies available right away. We made an appointment and drove down. We came home with a 11 week old female with black phantom silver coloring. She was quiet, timid, and very shy. 

We both expected to be hit with this supposed feeling of ... love, I guess is what you would call it. We expected that even with the headaches of house training and chewing on household objects, there would be this feeling that would make it all okay. That by adding this creature into our family, we would realize that there was this massive hole before and she perfectly filled that hole up. 

But that's not what happened. 

On day five of having her, I texted Kevin and asked if we could return her. I felt an overwhelming sense of anger and resentment. My days were not filled with long walks and fun playing. They were filled with dread and anger and frustration. I realize that it takes time for a puppy to adjust, but at the end of the day it wasn't about her or her behavior. It was about me. Kevin would come home after a long day of work to me handing him the puppy and disappearing for hours long baths or showers, because I didn't feel clean and I needed to work through my frustration. Day seven, Kevin was also feeling my frustration, and that's when we knew we had made a mistake. We were not the right people for this puppy. We couldn't give her the home she deserved. So we made the hard decision to take her back and have her adopted by someone who would truly get that feeling you're "suppose" to get. Day eight we drove her back to the breeder. 

It was absolutely one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life. But it was the best decision we could have made for both her and us. 



  • Why did you adopt, if you were just going to return her?

To which I answer, how am I suppose to discover that I am not a pet person? I have house sat for dozens of pets over the years and I love interacting with my friends pets, but how exactly was I suppose to figure out that I didn't want to own one without trying it. 

  • What did the breeder say? 

She didn't say much, but gladly took the puppy back. A reputable breeder will want to ensure that the puppy is in a loving and happy home. By giving her back as soon as we did we are giving the breeder a chance to have her rehomed while she is still a puppy. 

  • Maybe it was just a bad match and a different dog would be better?

As I mentioned above, it wasn't about the puppy. It was about me. I took two showers everyday she was with us, my house stressed me out because there was STUFF. Returning her, sadly felt like a relief. We could get our house back and my skin could start to heal from too much washing. A different pet of any kind would not solve this problem. 

  • You didn't give it enough time.

How much time do you need to realize you've made a bad decision? I feel like a terrible person for having put the puppy through the one week we did have her, waiting six months would not have changed a thing, except that it would have been harder for her to be rehomed. There is no way to know how you are going to react until you are put into this situation, but once you are there how you handle it is up to you. I wanted to do what was best for all parties involved, no matter how much it sucked. 

  • Did you get your money back?

It was never about money but no we didn't and I didn't even ask. We returned what items we could and donated the rest. 

Please be kind if you leave a comment. 

I'm a lifestyle blogger, covering deep subjects including body images, battles with food, and overcoming how I was raised. I try to be as authentic as possible and I don’t sugar coat how I see things.