I turn 31 on the 31st.
I don't know the exact time of my birth and I've no one to ask. I know that after an intense labor I made my way into the world. I was the first child of two people who had recently left home for a new city. My mother and father were both younger than I am now. I don't know at what point my parents started conflicting but misery loves company and they both chose to be miserable together. Maybe that's changed in the last 3 years since I've stopped speaking to them and maybe it hasn't. I hope it has.
It's interesting thinking on their lives and realizing that I've done many similar things they did. A huge difference is they did it with kids. First me and then my sister. They moved a long way from family, somehow put my father through trade school, and bought a house. And for a moment, I wonder how different our lives would have been if they hadn't gone to the church they did the first few years of my life. At what point did life change for them?
I've spent a lot of this year focusing and learning to understand my anger towards them. It's gone from burning red to sadness. Even in my decision to cut them off, I do still care and wish the best for them. Just like I wish the best for myself. It was the right move for me to make.
Past birthdays have always been spent looking backwards and this one seems to be no different. But I am different. I write about depression, mental health, my terrible relationship with food, but I often forget to write about happiness, freedom, and love. Three things my life is very full of. I have dozens and dozens of pictures that haven't been posted because they aren't "blog worthy". But each one is a happy memory for me.
At 31 years old I hope that I have become a better, kinder, happier person and it's thanks to the people who gave me life even though they are no longer part of it.
About the pictures in this post
Top photo - photo shoot I did when the sunlight was just picture perfect, a hard thing to find in the winter.
Side photo - my parents and I in 1988. Standing for our church directory photo.
Top row left to right - 1. Playing D&D while laying on the rug in our office. Kevin is our DM and we are skyping three friends, playing online. 2. I bought a shelve, but the corner it was going in wasn't built at the proper angle so we had to sand down the sides to make it fit. This was Kevin's solution to the slowness of my sandpaper job. 3. the behind the scenes for these pictures and others. 4. One of my favorite summer things, is enjoying dinner on the patio with my favorite person.
Middle row left to right - 1. The two of us about to leave the house. Tends to be the spot I take most of my selfies and sometimes I can get Kevin in them to. 2. Mr potato head. Found in Kevin's new office, it surprised me and I took a picture to send to his mom. We proceed to have an excellent day together walking around his work place. 3. Another mirror selfie. This time headed out to yoga for our traditional Sunday adventure. 4. Cookies we got late one night during our trip to Chicago.
Last row left to right - 1. Watching Disney on Ice. We meant to buy night tickets but accidentally got matinee instead. It was an interesting show, not something we would do again. 2. At the Olbrich Gardens for a walk. It wasn't the warmest of weather but Kevin let me to take all the photos I wanted. This was an accidentally capture and I love it. 3. Our car with the Christmas tree inside. We had no idea if it would fit when we picked out the tree, but we knew what we wanted and we made it work. The tree fit snugly. the trunk against the backdoor and it's tip against the dash. 4. Another mirror selfie. These tend to me full of laughter as Kevin will do his best to distract me.
I'm a lifestyle blogger, covering deep subjects including body images, battles with food, and overcoming how I was raised. I try to be as authentic as possible and I don’t sugar coat how I see things.