Restlessness is something that I am used to. Through the years I have tried many different tactics, but have always been confined in one room. As a teen that meant my bedroom. My parents didn't exactly want an insomniac teenager wandering around the paper-thin walled house at 2 am. Living on a farm meant that midnight strolls outside were out of the question. As an adult, I have always lived in places that were small enough and noisy enough, that the only place I could be restless in was the bedroom. Meaning Kevin would usually get a bad night sleep too.
In our current place, I tend to end up on the couch.
I could end up on the couch for a full night. Sometimes, like this morning, I wake up at 4 am and can't go back to sleep, so I head for the couch to watch the sunrise. Sunrise and bird watching are my favorite morning activity. It's far better to be awake at 4 am watching the sky change than 2 am staring into darkness.
I've been restless for the last month, but it's different than before. We go to bed between 10 and 11. I'm fast asleep, all is well until I wake up around that 4 or 5 mark. It's a gentle wake, slow and peaceful. Which I am thankful for, because a jolt awake is not cool. Sometimes I fall back asleep, but usually I get up and try to figure out what to do with myself. As much as I am restless and would love to sleep more, I feel good.
Sleep has been great lately even with this early wake up. After writing my Down the Rabbit Hole post, I decided to put the project aside. I had finished all the photos, shredded the ones I wanted and shipped the rest to someone who would treasure them. Opening my journals and seeing them was too hard. And after some thought, I decided to pack it away into a smaller box and leave it for another day.
The black cloud has lifted and I've been feeling good. I took a shower, went to yoga, and found myself full of creative photo shoot ideas. As the days, passed I started to put together those ideas. You've seen a couple (one and two) and you'll see more coming up. This was a fluke photo shoot. I put my camera on auto and laid down. It took photos until I remembered to turn it off. The auto setting decided that long exposure would be the best way to shoot. Giving a great visual view of my restlessness.
Sometimes restlessness isn't a bad thing. Sometimes you just need a safe space to go too.
I'm a lifestyle blogger, covering deep subjects including body images, battles with food, and overcoming how I was raised. I try to be as authentic as possible and I don’t sugar coat how I see things.