I have become obsessed with learning more about depression.I need more information, I must better understand the workings of it. I need more and more. I don't want to be alone. So when someone I followed posted about this book - Shoot the Damn Dog: A Memoir of Depression by Sally Brampton, I ordered it in from the library. A week before it was due I finally picked it up. It was not an easy read. At the time of reading it I was consistently waking up between 4 and 5 am. Something not normal for me. Normal is 9 am. Normal is snoozing the alarm clock ten times. Normal is no longer apparent. The book is deeply depressing and oddly uplifting. As I've said before I am self diagnosed. Which means there's a whole sections of this book that I can not relate too - her time in rehab, her alcoholism, her divorces or child. However I am thankful for that shared outlook. I don't know what the months ahead of me will be like and the more I know the better I can prepare.
This has always been my thought. That mental health was this sudden out of nowhere smash into the wall. I now know that, that is far from accurate. There are warning signs, cries for help long before it ever gets to that point. We have been trained to overlook them, pretend it doesn't exist and shame those making those cries. Mental health needs to be a topic, awareness needs to remove the shame. For me, that's reading and writing my thoughts. Sally Brampton goes into some detail about her past. She explains past behaviors of herself and her family and works out how it effected her behavior and emotional state. I am sure that through her therapy she broke it down into so much better detail. To better understand the past allows you to adjust for the future. It's something I've been doing for ages, what I didn't realize was how big that was in healing. Even though I have always felt so much better after sharing it.
The chapter after discussing her family is called "Who Am I" and hit really close to home for me. I have changed so much since we moved to Madison. Going back to visit with friends is stressing me out. How can I be the new person I am? How can that person be accepted, when those I love have barely met this person?
Shoot the Damn Dog is a good and depressing read. I took my time reading it, I skipped sections that I couldn't relate to (alcoholism), and feel like I have come a way with better knowledge surrounding suicidal thoughts (please note, I have no had suicidal thoughts, it was just a good look into how that works).
One of my favorite lines came from when she was talking about yoga
And lastly, these lines give me hope. Hope that I can continue to build up the success I have found through my healing process.
I'm a lifestyle blogger, covering deep subjects including body images, battles with food, and overcoming how I was raised. I try to be as authentic as possible and I don’t sugar coat how I see things.