My Vacation Fears
October 2016 we decided to do a trip somewhere in the States close to the Canadian border, so that our friends and family could cross down to see us. That way our visas wouldn't be compromised and we wouldn't be spending years not seeing the people, who matter most.
January 2017 we put the plan into actions. We booked the time off, found a condo to rent, paid for flights. Then began the process of figuring out who we should invite. We had 18 days to fit in as many people as we could into our rented condo. We had to include our travel in that time and make the best of the time we had. Flights knocked off the first and last days of vacation. With 16 days left our list of 40 people was not going to happen. From 40 to 19, we began organizing who got what days and how many. Not an easy feat.
The condo we rented is three bedroom two bath. Meaning we could support having six people staying in the house at one time, 4 of those being guests. While working out the details there was one point where the last weekend had 8 guests coming. Sadly, someone else had backed out and I was able to reschedule things to a better fit. Definitely complicated.
But the worst part is the guilt.
The guilt over the people I couldn't invite. Or the ones I had reached out too and then had to message back to say "no, its all booked". Or the fact that everyone gets three days and there's nothing I could do to give more time.
And I want more time.
I am so excited to see everyone. These are my people, my friends, my family. The ones who have supported us through everything. Even with my underlining fears I just wanted a hug from someone not Kevin (granted Kevin's hugs are awesome, but sometimes you just want to have a friend).
The underlining fears
This will be the first time I will be physically seeing everyone since I started openly talking about my depression, my panic attacks, my eating habits, and overall mental health. Some of our guests read my blog and are aware of those things, some aren't. I am so different from who I was the I last saw them and I am stressed about how people will take that. Worrying about people's reaction to me, isn't the only thing.
I'm afraid of
- The traveling (people, lack of control over environment).
- Having to deal with people 24/7. for 18 days with no safe place to hide.
- Not being able to do yoga.
- Not being able to get somewhere I can recover.
- Dealing with children.
I'm worried about
- Did we save enough money to pay for everything?
- What to feed people.
- How finances for others will work.
- What are we going to do for entertainment.
- Dealing with children.
- What if the airbnb is horrible?
- What if the airbnb doesn't like the comings and goings of all the people.
What if? What if? What if?
There isn't really much I can do to prevent my anxiety surrounding this vacation. I can plan things down to the smallest detail and that won't change a thing. I'll still worry. There is only so many details I can control and with that control I have created lists and plans and ideas to help me get through. It won't be enough but it eases the stress and hopefully will make the adventure go smoothly.
Day 1 Fly out spend night in airport hotel.
Day 2 Drive to condo check in, go grocery shopping, group one arrives.
Day 7 Groups one leaves, we clean house, go grocery shopping, and group two arrives.
Day 9 Group two leaves, we clean house, go grocery shopping, and group three arrives.
Day 11 Group three leaves, we clean house, go grocery shopping, and group four arrives.
Day 14 Group four leaves, we clean house, go grocery shopping, and group five arrives.
Day 17 Group five leaves, we clean house, we organize all the stuff, and sleep.
Day 18 We fly home.
We hope for good weather. We hope for patient guests. We hope that it'll work out.
I've cooked for Kevin and I for years. I've cooked for game night. I've cooked for when we've had max two other guests staying with us. This is on a whole other level. Eating out for every meal is unrealistic and so there has to be actual planning involved.
Breakfast at the condo - porridge, yogurt and granola, cereal (no idea on what kind), pancakes/bacon (definitely not everyday).
Lunch out and about - this would probably be the meal eaten out the most. I don't want to stop our adventures to go back to the condo to get food.
Supper at the condo - tacos, burgers...
Snacks - oreos, marshmallows, ice cream (priorities)
I've done as much planning as I can. Now to just get there and see what happens.
(pictures are from our trip to British Columbia in 2015)