It started like any other normal day...
The day started like any other normal day. I think that's why it hit me harder. It was unexpected, then again it's always unexpected. I woke up, snoozed far too many times, counted out 21 mini wheats for breakfast, snapped a yoga picture, and headed out the door. I head into the yoga studio early because a hot studio is the best on cold winter days. Class started, was brilliant, and I walked out feeling rejuvenated and excited to meet Kevin for lunch. I pulled out my phone, something I normally don't do but this time I wanted to get a copy of what the teacher had read at the end of class. Through the dozen notifications my phone had, my email popped up and there it was.
And that's all it took.
The weight of the drama brought by the name, fell around my shoulders, again.
I managed to ask the teacher my question, snap a picture, say my goodbyes, and make it half-ways to my car before the tears started to fall.
Tears of grief. I miss the idea of this person.
Then flashes of anger, how dare she break the boundary I've set, again.
I canceled my afternoon plans and drove home. Sitting in my parking garage, I came to the realization that these moments no longer control my life, though they do affect my emotions. Once past that instant gut reaction, I am in control of how I let it affect me for the rest of the day. I think it's going to take years before triggers have less of an uncontrolled reaction, but that doesn't mean my day needs to be wasted. It means my day is a little bit different from what I originally planned.
A bath, a good book, some fresh nail polish. Sitting beside my fire watching the snow fall. Doing a photo shoot. Finding happiness in the small tasks I spend my day doing. Realizing that my life is good. It's precious and I can't waste another moment of it in grief over something out of my control.