The Mother-Daughter Constant
In math (yes, math…. ugh, I know), a constant is defined as part of a mathematical equation that “remains the same in all circumstances”. It is non-varying. Regardless of what else is happening around it, the constant stays the same. It’s steady. It’s consistent. Math can count on a constant to be what it says it will be, to be what it always is.
See, as much as math was a total pain in your seventh-grade behind, math was smart. Math IS smart. Math knows that it needs a constant to get to the finish line. We aren’t much different than math. We all need a constant to depend on. You may have some incredible family members, friends, or a significant other who rocks your world. The people in our lives matter so much. Humans survive and thrive on relationship. Human interaction (and chocolate, and wine, and tacos…I digress) literally makes life worth living. But who is your constant? Think about it…. who is the one person you can tell legit anything to without worrying about what they’ll say or think? Who is there for you in exactly the way you need, exactly when you need it? Who is your biggest cheerleader but will also call you out on your B.S.? Who will give you their completely honest opinion because they love you, even if it’s not what you want to hear? Who will cry with you then laugh with you minutes later? Who knows exactly what you’re thinking by just looking at you? That person, the person who fits this description… that person is your constant.
My mama is my constant and I like to think I am hers. We are super close and have always shared an incredible bond. She is my constant. It’s really the only way to accurately describe our relationship. Like Penny to Desmond in “LOST” she is my lighthouse, she is my northern star. My husband is my very best friend, but my mama is my constant. Heck, she is one of very few people who have known me since the moment my life began. We’ve always done this life thing together, whether we’re across the couch or across the world.
None of this is to say that we’re always nice to each other, that it’s always roses and pinot noir. That’s not what a constant is. Even when we’re messy, we’re constant.
When I was a little girl learning how to navigate this life, when I took my first steps, on my first day of school, when I felt my first life heartbreak, she was constant. When I was a dumb teenager, when I made mistakes, when I was a dumb young adult, when I moved away and broke her heart, she was constant. When I had to make tough decisions, when I had to be an adult, she was constant. When I fell in love and got married, when I moved back to our town, when I lost babies, when I had babies, she was constant. When I think I’m failing at motherhood or wifedom, she is constant. When I get to share the good in my life, she is constant. When I need to vent, when I need a hug, when I need to sit together in silence, she is constant. And in a million other ways, she is constant. She is the line in the sand that lets me know I’ll be okay in this world.
There aren’t a billion words on this planet to accurately describe my gratitude for our relationship, and if you have a constant in your life I’m sure you can relate. As cliché as it may sound, it’s a feeling of peace and a sigh of relief just knowing she exists and I get to be her daughter and she gets to be my mother. And that is constant.
Who is your constant? What makes your relationship extraordinary?