Being Boss, Part 3
What was supposed to be a simple book review got me thinking so much, that my thoughts couldn't be compiled into one post. So I am making it a mini series. I received Being Boss by Kathleen Shannon and Emily Thompson free in exchange for an honest review. Be sure to check out the Being Boss website. There are no affiliated links within this series.
Part 3 - Boundaries
I did not understand I could have boundaries until my mid-twenties. I have always been stubborn and did my own thing but I always counted it as my rebellious nature vs boundaries. Emotional Blackmail by Susan Forward was the first book that really allowed me to see how boundaries worked, how they were healthy, and that I was allowed them. The Being Boss book has a great chapter on boundaries and asks some really great questions to help you focus. One of those being warning signs that you might need boundaries and these are the top three I recognize within myself.
1. Even when you're not working, your thoughts are consumed with work.
Far too often my evenings and weekends are filled with thoughts/actions about what I could be doing for my blog space. I need to learn to release it or write it down and get back to what I want to do on my weekends; spending time with Kevin. I need to create boundaries that allow me to get everything done. Things I have done to help this; turn off notifications on my phone, leave the office when Kevin is home, and not push off tasks till the last moment. It's a work in progress.
2. The work you do doesn't fulfill or satisfy you.
Fulfillment is an interesting one as I get to choose my work. Sometimes I feel all this pressure to "do all the things". Things that I can't really define but feel the need to be stressing about. All of which aren't good when being true to who I am. This feeling comes from the social media world; the number games, the travel "bug", the perfect form. It comes from talking to people and hearing how "busy" they are and then looking at how wonderfully slow my days are but not thinking of my days as wonderfully slow in that moment. Finding fulfillment within myself is important and something I work on daily.
3. You find yourself saying "no" to the things you really want to do, like traveling or investing in learning something new.
This struggle all comes down to money. I am not earning and I haven't been for three years now. I stress that chasing my dreams, spending money on the things that will get me there, will cause discourse in my relationship. This, of course, is something I have shared with Kevin and I know from our conversations that the I worry for nothing. Our relationship has always been supportive (more so on his side then mine, I take forever to adjust to new ideas) and chasing my dream is something that works with both our life views. It's different from how we have chased any other dreams because the circumstances and goals are unique. My worries aren't for nothing, however clear communication does wonders on relieving this.
This quote surprised me. How does examining my fears equal me not protecting what I have? The answer is within that question, fear. Fear/worry/denial = my excuse. I have been using money as an excuse stop me from pursing dreams, even when I knew I would be supported in the chase. I want to cultivate a great relationship with Kevin and that means allowing him to support me in my dreams just as I do my best to support his. I want to be a part of the life that we are build not just hiding on the inside.
Setting boundaries, being honest with myself is not easy. Each day is a day full of learning.
"When we can let go of those 'should' ideas about happiness and get really, really clear on what makes us happy, it's easier to fill our lives with those happy-making things--no matter our income."
Pg 88, Chapter 3, Establishing Boss Boundaries