It Doesn't Just Disappear
Spring, a time of birds singing and plants blooming. With its arrival I had thought that the black cloud of depression would finally float away. Turns out I was wrong. It's not that my depression is anything new. It's that over winter the idea of sunshine and summer was the light at the end of the tunnel. And now that it's here I wonder where the light has gone.
Tomorrow is the first day of summer. Meaning days and days of bright sunshine, greenery, and heat. All things I love dearly and while I know I will still enjoy most summer days, I find myself longing for rain, cloud filled days. Where the air is warm but not too warm, the humidity is high, and the smell of rain fills your senses.
May was mental health month but everyday is a day where millions are struggling and don't have access to resources to help them. In my own journey with therapy I find myself blocked by bureaucracy. My last therapy appointment lead with her determining I was perfectly fine to not see her and that we were done. At that point, I had already decided she wasn't the person for me and had wanted to find a new person. When I called to make that happen, I was told I could not see a new person unless six months had passed. So I waited the six months and then two more because making the call is not easy. But I finally did it, I did it on a rough day where I needed to talk to someone right then. It didn't happen, that therapist was on holidays and she had to sign off on me being allowed to see anyone else. She won't be back for 45 days.
Now I just needed to talk through some emotions. I wasn't suicidal or self harming or a danger to anyone else. At the end of the day I was/am fine. I have a fantastic support system of friends and an awesome husband. I have health coverage that allows me therapy (even if there's too much bureaucracy to get in). I have resources like BetterHelp that I could use. I have privilege and means.
But this is not the case for everyone.
Suicide is the number 10 leading cause of death in America. So my question to you is when was the last time you checked in? Be that with your own mental state or the state of someone you know. And when was the last time you were honest about it? Or honest about what you actually saw and did something about it?
Not everyone can openly admit that they are struggling with their mental health and there aren't always signs. But if it becomes a part of your daily conversation maybe you could prevent something.