Remembering that I am a different person than I was 2 years, 5 years, or even 10 years ago is hard sometimes. Feeling guilty for some of the changes is harder and the thing I feel most guilty about is cleaning.
Yup, that's right, cleaning.
I feel guilty for not cleaning how I used to. Though to be fair, I am pretty sure I clean way better than those days. The difference is found in how I clean and how often I clean. It used to be that every week, usually on a Saturday, that my house was put in order. Dishes, laundry, bathrooms, kitchen, floors. It was an event that last hours and at the end of it you flopped on the couch weary but happy because everything sparkled. Usually the chores were split between Kevin and myself, he did laundry, the dusting, and usually dishes and I did everything else.
Of course life changed and I became so exhausted that I stopped cleaning all together and Kevin did it all. Then we moved to Wisconsin. As with a lot of things in my life, the move was a catalyst for many things. Cleaning has just been one of those things that I am figuring out and feel like I've had success in. Though with that success there is still the overwhelming feel of guilt for not doing things "right".
There is no need for the bathrooms to be cleaned on a weekly bases anymore. Because we hardly have guests and with two bathrooms it takes a while for dirt to gather. So every second week does better. No one can tell that I've left it for that long except for me. That's where the guilt comes in. I grew up where chores were done on Saturday and you cleaned everything weekly and in a house with six people and one bathroom, that made sense. It doesn't make sense in a house with two people and two bathrooms. The week that I don't clean the bathrooms is the week I vacuum. Again the same thing, vacuuming weekly felt unnecessary because there was barely anything in the bag. Two weeks and I still don't usually have to clean out the container.
There are some things that haven't changed. Like every time something is made in the kitchen, the counter is wiped and dishes are put away immediately after use. There are some things I've taken to doing; dusting, cleaning floorboards, window ledges, and doors, as well as a nightly tied up. Overall I feel like our apartment is far cleaner than it ever has been.
But the guilt is still there and all because it's not cleaned in the "traditional" sense. Guilt is a funny thing.