Importance of Connection
Hold hands while walking around town together or at home on the couch
This challenge is making me think outside the box. Hand holding is something we do now. But when we started dating any form of public affection was hard for us. We both would have like too but didn't feel comfortable. In certain situations this is still true, but it has gotten better with practice and a lot of discussions.
I grew up in an environment where affectionate touching ie. hugging was treated as shameful and touching ie. tickling or poking was used as a form of torture. It's hard to go from an environment where touch is a shameful thing to a healthy relationship. It has taken a lot of hours of work for us to come to a healthy place. Every couple of months something happens that triggers something else and we take time to work through it and overcome it as much as possible.
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There are tons of articles out there about shaming and how it works. But I have never read anything about touch being used by a trusted person as a form of torture. Torture may be the wrong word to use here, I find it's hard for me to find the proper words when I struggle with the subject. Tickling, poking or hugging are all forms of touch that when done without proper boundaries can become a source of tension. Not everyone has this experience and I might even be that odd one out there. But as a child no matter how many times I said no or tried to get away, my will was always overruled by the person doing the handling.
Now anyone attempting to tickle, poke or hug me, find a very big wall. I have to really like the person to allow a hug and I can count on two hands how many people that is. Tickling and poking are out of the question unless your Kevin and even he knows better. But that's the great thing about our relationship. We have boundaries and they are understood by the other person. Not only are those boundaries allowed, maintained and honored but they are allowed to grow and change as needed.
I have been very excited about the recent discussions on consent. This is a great article about children being forced to hug adults and the boundaries children need to be allowed. Children should also have the right to consent especially when it comes to their bodies. They may be uncomfortable and should never be forced to touch someone if they don't want to or have to allow someone to touch them. The article put it all eloquently and in better detail. And it is something I wish I had been allowed as a child.
The interesting thing is we haven't even gotten to intimacy. This is only discussing the barest of touches. Intimacy is on a whole other level that I am not yet interested in getting into. For now I would love to know how you feel about holding hands, shame and/or touch as a form of torture.
Would love if you linked up with the Challenge!! Leave me a comment if you do!