A few weeks ago we were in a car accident. Driving up a hill along the highway the semi in front of me slowed down drastically. The driver behind me didn't notice and slammed right into my bumper. I always sit slightly twisted in my seat, so within twelve hours my right shoulder and hip were tensing up and very irritated. As such, appointments were booked with a Chiropractor. I have not been to a Chiropractor since my last car accident roughly around the age of 9. That's when the trouble started. The number of nightmares I have had about going to the Chiropractor is ridiculous. The mention of it causes my breath to shorten and my ears to ring. The night before I had a full on panic attack, completely confusing both Kevin and I. He held me tight while I cried it all away.

The thing is I can't figure out why. My only memory of the first Chiropractor is that he said my shoulders were oddly shaped and I was deformed. But otherwise I have no memories of anything negative happening. I don't know if it's triggering me back to those moments I was in the hospital with the first car accident or if it's something completely different. I have no memory.

Why am I so upset by something that should be so simple?

Have you ever had a trigger to something but can't figure out why?

During the appointment I was okay until I was left alone. Then I cried, every time. The appointment consisted of speaking with the 'nurse', getting a spinal test done, meeting the Chiro, getting a neck x-ray, a small treatment, another x-ray and an alignment. In between each thing I was left alone for 5-10 minutes. Even weeks later I can't explain the feeling, the anxiety that the appointment caused.

The next appointment was fine. I don't know if it's because Kevin had one at the same time. But all follow appointments were none issues. And it feels silly that I even had the reaction in the first place.

But the fact is I did have it.

And now I want to know why.

the wooden chair

If you have a story you would like to share or add, please shoot me a message, I would love to share your story as a guest post on the blog. As I am doing this as a Self Portrait Project, if you are open to share a favorite image of yourself or a part of yourself that would be lovely to add (the post can be anonymous as well).

[Tweet "if you have a story you would like to share or add, please shoot me a message @clutterboxblog"]

I'm a lifestyle blogger, covering deep subjects including body images, battles with food, and overcoming how I was raised. I try to be as authentic as possible and I don’t sugar coat how I see things.