Deep Reading

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My bookmarks have been growing, so here are some thoughtful links.

Why It's Important to Tell Even Your Darkest Story - link

He goes back to God, I never will. But his trigger episode, the lack of crying, are all things I relate too. But the interesting part, is that "we change our memories every time we recall them." So writing out that original story when the memory first comes back is so important. But it's so scary writing the true version of that memory sometimes. Sometimes it's scary enough that you start the internal debate of "OMG did this actually happen". You know in your heart it did, but your head says "those people aren't that cruel are they?" and you hope that it wasn't cruelty that drove them, but some sort of twisted logic that hopefully they no longer attune too.

Emotional Incest - link

Kevin and I have different views on this article. He agrees with the idea, he hates the symptom list. His argument, which is very valid, is that the list is too broad and could cover a variety of issues. As I dive straight into my memory past, I find posts like this very relatable. I recently cut out a relationship because that person has no boundaries and practices most of these behaviors. Which leads me to my next article.

I Can't Save My Siblings - link

While I might not mean siblings in particular. This reflected deeply on me. If you have read the post about cutting toxic people, you'll know I left people behind. But I found this quote the other day

"It is okay to want your own happiness. It's okay to care about yourself the most. You are not obligated to sit there and smile and swallow every bit of shit everyone heaps on you. You are more than furniture, you're more than window dressing, you're not their shiny toy. You're human, and you have the right to say "That was shitty of you". You have a right to protest your own mistreatment and set boundaries for respectful interactions. The rest of the world doesn't realize you have this right, and they will act offended and appalled when you exercise it, but it is yours."

I wrote something the other day called "How I don't think I'm over you" maybe one day I'll share it but for now it's to personal, it cuts to deep. But realizing I have the right to respect is huge.

I Belong to Me: Learning Agency & Consent Outside Christianity - link

The line that really got to me was "It never occurred to me to investigate this claim that I didn’t belong to myself." It wasn't until I moved out of my Grandparents and didn't have anyone watching every single move I made did I realize, freedom. My first two big decisions from there really rocked the boat. This article made me wonder why children are raised as if they aren't humans. I am from your body but I am not yours.

I'm a Fat Bulimic - Here's Why the Idea of Loving My Body Feels Impossible for Me - link

Bulimia is also a topic I will get around to writing about. But for now I wanted to share this post. I wasn't always 'fat' and really I am not even 'fat' today. But the person who was a direct influence in my life made skinny important and throwing up was a good way of controlling that.

Purity Culture and My Sexuality - link

OMG Purity Culture, the worst period. How we expect girls to be pure until they are married and then lay still while their husband takes them. So freaking frustrating. I was taught this "conceal all desire, even from yourself". The books she mentions HATE THEM. I love the way she has written this and I am not upset with her. I am upset with society for putting this on us.

The History of Womenhood That Feminists Don’t Want You to Know - link

This is an interesting read and something I totally didn't expect. While I don't agree with the authors thought process that feminists don't want this information known, I do agree that it's not being talked about. This was a great eye opener for me. That white women have it lucky, we have always had the security, and the full movement needs to be shared. No matter how I word it, they have written it better.

Negative Associations Project - link

After my trigger post, this really resonated with me. My favorite line "If anyone has suggestions as to how I can begin to heal these wounds, please don’t hesitate to tell me your suggestions."

Today I am not okay and it's okay to admit that.

What's your story? If you would like to be a part of Self Portrait Saturday - A Little Deeper, please shoot me a message.

The Light ShinesI hope the world shines brightly where ever you are in this journey called life.