The Girl Who Use to Hate the Camera
I have always loved to take pictures. In grade 8, I was part of a photography group. We developed film in a black room, full of chemicals, black lights, and cheap body spray. I wish I had some way to get those photos, but alas film is film and they are probably long gone. In grade 12, I did a photography project for one of my credits. My best friend Nicole was usually my subject and she is one sexy gal. I love the shots I have of her then. But I have very few pictures of me, I hated being in front of the camera. In fact I usually "flipped the bird" at the camera when it was pointed my direction. This changed in 2008, when a friend got her first Canon Rebel. She would let me use the camera and the two of us with her little baby would trapeze around the countryside taken photos. And suddenly I had to be the subject once in a while. We took some of my favorite photos around that time.
In 2009 we moved to Calgary, Alberta and I lost my photography buddy (due to distance). But I discovered confidence. Confidence in my self-image, my body, how I angle myself and how I perceived myself. Outfit posts became my thing. My way of expressing myself and my way of seeing myself for the beautiful person I am, even though I didn't feel that way at all.
I've had some great shots over the years and some not so great. But what I've learned through it all, is that I am the beauty I choose to see. It's not all surface beauty. Sometimes you need to discover who you are before you can see the beauty in yourself.
I started off being angry at people pointing the camera at me. Now I can't tell if my favorite place is in front or behind. I think the biggest thing in either position is finding the joy (or the emotion)