I grew up where my body was not my own.
I have never been sexually abused. But I did not have my own boundaries. If someone wanted to hug me I was taught early on that I was to allow them whether I was comfortable with it or not. If someone wanted to tickle me, the same rule applied. I spent many years turning off my body sensations so that I wouldn't feel anything.
Becoming numb is not a good response and you should never force a child to touch someone or be touched. Without sensation, you miss out on a lot. You become paranoid. I can't sit with my back to a room without nauseating anxiety filtering through me the entire time. When I walk into a new building I assess the place and plan two or three exit strategies. If a place only has one door my anxiety goes up.
If a situation doesn't work out I usually have two or three ways of getting what I want/need, using different routes (which is very manipulative, when dealing with people). I hate meeting new people and I always assume the worst in people and life.
So if we meet one day and I don't shake you hand, don't take it personally.
If we meet and you're the hugging type, don't freak out if I back away or am really stiff. I can count on two hands how many people I am comfortable hugging. And I will cuddle on occasion with two specific people.
If I seem anxious when we are chatting it could be our positioning makes me uncomfortable.
I'm a lifestyle blogger, covering deep subjects including body images, battles with food, and overcoming how I was raised. I try to be as authentic as possible and I don’t sugar coat how I see things.