The last time we spoke about Big Magic Creative Living Beyond Fear, I wrote a post called Scary, Scary, Scary. After writing that post, I returned the book to the library, bought myself a copy, put it on my bedside table and forgot about it. I needed to think on those scary things. Sometimes you just have to reflect before you can move on. So when I did finally bring myself to read it again, I figured I'd be able to pound through it and be done. Turns out I was wrong. I barely made it to page 93 before the desire to write another blog post was too strong to ignore. So here I go, writing about lines, that hit me like a ton of bricks. Lines that make me wish for worlds, were children grow up with confident parents that don't subject them to their own insecurities, so that in turn those children can grow up and be in a world where permission is granted.
"It also never occurred to me to go ask an authority figure permission to become a writer. I'd never seen anybody in my family ask anyone for permission to do anything."
The idea that one could grow up without having to ask permission for anything but could just move through life in a creative way is, simply put, mind-blowing. Up until these last two years I've never done anything without asking for permission from someone, my parents, my boss, my friends. Even today I find myself apologizing to Kevin for living the life I have because I feel guilt for enjoying it so much. My happiness brings guilt because I don't owe anybody anything and it is all my own. I feel like I was taught that the way I am living is selfish, cruel to others and entitled.
Elizabeth Gilbert covers entitlement well.
"Creative entitlement doesn't mean behaving like a princess, or acting as though the world owes you anything whatsoever. No, creative entitlement simply means believing that you are allowed to be here, and that - merely by being here - you are allowed to have a voice and a vision of your own."
That is so powerful.
I am allowed to have a voice and a vision of my own.
It has taken me years to fully realize that this is true and possible. It is not selfish or arrogant, in fact it is a form of self-care to be fully your creative self. She goes on to talk about declaring your intent, speaking it out loud and mobilizing that intent. Creating statements of intent is one of the first things Kevin taught me to do when we moved in together, though at the time we didn't call it that. We got it from the book What to Say When You Talk To Yourself by Shad Helmstetter and we did it because the way we spoke to ourselves, especially me at the time was incredibly self-harming. We put these five little sayings in the bedroom of our little apartment and said it to ourselves every night before going to sleep.
Until we didn't need it anymore. We moved into the apartment of our dreams, Kevin was in school for his dream career, I was in an awesome job. Things were looking up for us and those little words didn't fit the aesthetic of our new room. When I took those words down back in 2011, I should have put new words up with intent that better fit who I was then. Except I didn't do that. I stopped telling myself powerful things.
Living a Life with Intent
Living a life with intention is not easy because first you have to set that intention. That intention has to make you happy, your partner happy. If you have children, it has to work around them, if you work it has to incorporate your job. But in the end it all comes down to you and what you want out of your life. I want a life full of happiness, smile lines, a full heart and close friends and family. Remembering to speak those things into fruition is so important and so there's my intent. What's yours?
I'm a lifestyle blogger, covering deep subjects including body images, battles with food, and overcoming how I was raised. I try to be as authentic as possible and I don’t sugar coat how I see things.