It's five am. I haven't slept all night for the second time this week and the fifth this month.
I'm eating nutella on toast, the first piece was perfect, the second burnt. I hate our toaster. Three Days Grace is blasting in my ears. I'm learning the lyrics to my favorite songs. Repeat the same ones over and over; fallen angel, human race, the chain, and so many others. I have a list of posts to write about, but they don't call to me. Instead I'm back to writing about sleep, again. Taking pictures of me bra-less, smeared makeup, unbrushed hair and pajamas.
I'm constipated, though I bet you didn't want to know that. It's sitting there, an undigested lump in my bloated intestines, compliments of cheese and bread. Two things I don't usually eat in large quantities. Two things I won't be consuming this coming week. I thought that with regular workouts, sleep would come quickly and naturally. I should remember from last time it doesn't make a difference. This month, I have been to yoga/barre class 18 times. I've also watched all seasons of Call of the Midwife (to the person who said it would make me want to have babies, you don't know me that well). I've done 10 loads of laundry, read 4 books, cleaned the bathrooms twice (when it's just two people, this is okay), eaten an entire bag of salad all to myself in one sitting and a batch of brownies.
My brain won't turn off, the usually reason for insomnia to occur. I'm stressed about the blog; lighting for pictures, post schedule and creating posts. Words use to just flow out when I couldn't sleep. The release was wonderful and I crave it. Now I force myself to write and it's a slow process. I edit as a go now, something I never use to do, I want to be better at sentence structure and grammar. But that could be messing up the flow of my writing and creativity. Or it's just my brain in two parts fighting, one part hiding and the other yelling at it for not being adventurous and taking pictures outside. It's disappointment in it's other half for not remembering how strong it is.
Then there's my hair, or lack of. I've lost over 3/4 of my hair in the last year. It's a natural occurrences after going though major stress in life and if you read previous posts it makes sense. There are some other contributing factors that's lengthened the time, we've figured that out so it's no longer a concern and now it's waiting for it to grow back. The point is I miss thick thick hair!
Stress doesn't phase me as much as it use too. Then again maybe the stress has changed and I am unsure how to deal with the change of scenery and maybe I'm more stressed than I think. Than again maybe I just need a couple of hours of sleep.
How are you?
I'm a lifestyle blogger, covering deep subjects including body images, battles with food, and overcoming how I was raised. I try to be as authentic as possible and I don’t sugar coat how I see things.