While I love him, he doesn't define me

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My life is pretty privileged. I have many things to be thankful for and I am very glad of the life I have created for myself. So when people attribute this life to the wonders of my husband, I get angry. Yes, I love him and he has made my life better. In fact, I have dedicated dozens of posts to him and our relationship. He has directly influenced my life for the better, just like I have his. But, where I am today is not solely because of the efforts of my husband. I worked hard for this too. Neither of us did it alone. Where I am in life is not because my husband choose it or decided it for me. It is something we choose together. We found each other, our goals aligned and we decided to work with each other to reach those goals. When you say "I'm so lucky to have found such a fabulous man, who lets me lead the life I have," you are right that he is fabulous. But he doesn't "let" me do anything, I choose for myself. Stop discounting what I did to get here.

You are basing my worth in him alone and that I couldn't have accomplished any of this without him.

And you are wrong.

My worth is not that of my husband, just like you not the worth of yours (or lack thereof). The choices you make in life are yours and yours alone. You can't blame them on a spouse forcing you to do it anymore. I would be in a similar place today even if I hadn't met him. Tomorrow if we broke apart, I would still be leading a well thought out and happy life. Whether he is a part of it is not the defining factor of how I live or who I am.

And it shouldn't be for you either.

Picture from Unsplash by Maya Gala