Something to Share But Not Yet

I enjoy secrets and sometimes I like having them. As a blogger, I like to write and I tend to overshare. Occasionally though, something comes up and I want to keep it to myself. That thing could be good or bad, that’s not really the point. The point is that occasionally I want to mull over something for a while before sharing. I might write lots and lots regarding the topic but the majority of what I write doesn’t become a post. The mull over time is necessary to straight my thoughts on the topic before getting others’ opinions or views.

When I’m ready, whatever it is most likely won’t immediately become a blog post. Sometimes the secret is important and needs to be told to friends and family before the world. For example, when Kevin and I got engaged, we didn’t share it on social platform for over a week (well actually me, Kevin’s not on social media) and I would have preferred to have waited longer but it’s not really an easy thing to do. That week did give us enough time to contact those who we felt should hear from us personally. I don’t think it is very kind for my friends and family to hear about certain things via social media. Important people in my life have the right to hear it from my lips first. So I’ll call them or have a Skype date and after their excitement (or horror), I’ll share it. Then there are the times with the secret becomes unimportant and can be written without affecting others in any light. Those tend to become emotional blog posts that skirt around the subject but cover my feelings.

I am definitely not perfect at sharing with people before social media. There are some things I don’t think of as a secret and I’ll get a phone call from someone who is offended they weren’t told first. This can be frustrating sometimes, especially when it’s something I’ve shared that they don’t like or think they should have been told of. I am working on being open with my friends and family. I like to say that my life is boring and everything is fine, because my life is, for the most part, very predictable. By saying my life is boring however, I undermine the importance of the activities in my life and their importance to me. The daily predictable things make me very happy and I tend to forget that maybe people don’t know what those daily things are or how much joy I am finding in those tasks. Sometimes though, I get upset because the person calling me out never asked how I was doing, or never gave me a chance to share.

Right now, I have something to share and it’s taken me a few months to get comfortable with it. I finally feel ready to share, first to friends and family, and then online. I Skyped one friend and she said exactly what I needed to hear and it felt great to talk over my fears with her. The news isn’t something terrible, it’s something good and it has the potential to change a few things, it also has the potential to change nothing. It’s really completely up to me, so I’m nervous about sharing and people’s reactions. My list of people to tell is in a specific order, as I am able predict reactions of most of the people on the list, and I want to balance out those reactions. It’s not really an important order, it’s just something that I’ve been doing for ages and feels natural. Except the second person on the list is currently not responding to my messages.

I am aware of why they are not responding and there’s not much I can do. Now it feels like I’m holding back this big thing from them, even though it’s completely unintentional. It’s not really that big of a thing, but I feel uncomfortable messaging them and being like “hey, I’ve got news” when there’s a lack of communication. I find myself in a weird place. Technically I could just skip them, continue down my list, and come back to them later, hoping I’ve somehow fixed the communication issue. Except what if I skipped them, told everyone else, and still haven’t figured out a solution? It’s also been long enough that I’m ready to share it publicly. So do I take the chance and let them find out on social media? Or harass them into talking to me, so I feel less weird about sharing my news?

The news really isn’t all that exciting and I am probably over thinking all of it. It’s just uncomfortable to be in a place of uncertainty.

What are your thoughts? Have you ever felt unable to share something with someone you love?