Vulnerability and Backlash

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Vulnerability is not something we generally learn. It's hard to be vulnerable and it's not something that comes naturally. This past year I have allowed myself to become very vulnerable in my writing. I write what I feel and I don't shy from the truth. I try very hard to stick to authenticity. Within that, I get two kinds of responses:

My Favorite Response

The first response is the best kind, the kind that I appreciate the most and touches my heart. It's the kind where people say my post is inspiring and share their own story. It's the comment that makes it worth the stress of writing the post. I am so thankful to the strangers and friends that message me and make my day, saying my posts really touched them. It really picks me up, especially because it usually arrives just after the other type of response has blown up in my face.

The Backlash Response

The second is the backlash responses. It's the two or three people who have decided they are victims of my post. These are usually people I know personally. So the backlash hurts deeply and is rarely seen in a public form, it's usually within messages or calls.

The fact that I am writing this post and calling them out on this behavior will most likely result in another backlash response. I am curious who it will be from.

My posts are designed to be self-reflective. They tell my story, told as factually as possible from my perspective. I try to never speculate on what another person thinks or feels. However, the people mentioned in my posts are not always reflected in a pleasant light. I do not discuss light topics nor do I hide from dark truths. So many times the people mentioned in my posts can be seen as a perpetrator. This can put them in the uncomfortable position of having to deal with seeing a situation through another's eyes in a way they don't want to. My portrayal of certain people, especially family members, is not always kind. It is not easy to be seen this way.

I will never apologize for writing this way because given the opportunity, I would say all the things I write here to the person's face. I usually don't or can't for a few reason, those being:

  • I am talked over.
  • I am not allowed or able to properly articulate my sentence.
  • I don't get a chance to fully finish before they are "defending" themselves.
  • They have been cut out of my life for these things or other reasons.

I did not confront anyone in an abusive way. I might have been angry but I know that anger and abuse are not one and the same. This is a very important point for survivors to hear; Confrontation does not make me abusive! I was so afraid that I would be “just like them” if I expressed my hurt and anger. Because ‘they’ constantly expressed their hurt and anger towards me.

Darlene Ouimet ~ Author of popular e-book "Emerging from Broken The Beginning of Hope for Emotional Healing"

Almost everyone I have ever written about is an adult, and so I should be able to expect an adult conversation from them. A conversation that allows for proper debate, honoring boundaries and respecting each others stances. We should be able to discuss everything I have ever written about on this blog. When things get emotional, and they will as is the subject of my blog, we take a break to step back allow for clarity and logic. Each person involved would get a chance to speak and be heard. I hold myself to these rules, though I am by no means perfect when it comes to it. I do think it's important to have these discussions and allow for people to talk, especially if it's part of their healing process. I write about it because it is part of my healing process. As I've begun to move on, I write because I no longer believe that these secrets should stay hidden. Secrets breed more lies and hurt, and that is unproductive.

I am always willing to have a discussion and I can be reached through my contact page.