We All Tell Ourselves Stories
We all tell ourselves stories. Sometimes they are good, sometimes they are bad. A lot of the time we don't even realize we are telling ourselves stories. For everything we do, we tell ourselves something about it. You have a story for how you fit in at work, a story of your relationship with your partner, a story for how you make breakfast in the morning. I am sure there is some better word out there for what I am describing but for the moment I am stuck on the word story.
The stories we tell ourselves will not be the same as the ones people around us are telling themselves. When you enter into their field of perception how you are presented and your actions will be told to them by their world view. This means someone you think of as a great co-worker and a best bud, could think of you as an annoying cling-on who they have to be polite to during working hours. Or it could be something completely different. The truth is you never know what your place is in someone else's story. Over the course of a lifetime you will be in thousands on stories. You will occasionally be a main participant, but probably not as often as you think. Sometimes all you'll be is a background as they move through to the next room.
Say one day you discover that you have a bigger part in someone's story than you thought and that revelation has put the relationship on edge. You thought you were good acquaintances, they thought it was something much, much closer. That person now feels like they've lost something and you feel the obligation to lie, so things can go back to the status quo with hopefully the least amount of damage done to the relationship. However you can no longer handle not being your authentic self. The challenge now is how to reconcile things without destroying the relationship fully. Interweaving our stories to follow similar paths should be the goal. That way we all find ourselves in happy, blossoming relationships. But to get there, we need to figure out what that path starts out on. It's hard to know where to start and finding examples of relationships that you would like to embrace, that come even close to your circumstances, are basically impossible. As in, I have yet to find one but hope that it's out there. Because hope is all I've got.
On to the point, I am not that great of a friend and I've written about my failure with friendship before. As I get older, it seems my tolerance for things decreases. Making it harder to make friends and in some cases harder to maintain. Currently I am try to figure out a way to make very different people fit in my life. It's not easy because history, varying core beliefs, distance, and many other things make it complicated. We have to work through the stories each of us has told ourselves about the other and allow for that story to change. One has to wonder if they are up for changing the story they know, for something completely different. Allowing for a person to be their true self, is not only important but also gives that person a chance to really blossom and for you to be a part of that. I am having a hard time changing the stories I am holding on to.
There’s this idea in my mind and I can’t put it together with the very different evidence in front of me. I have let so many people go because I was trying to build and maintain healthy boundaries and hitting this road block is frustrating. I refuse to let go but I also don’t have a place to go either. Eventually I hope that things will just work their own way out. My hope is that all the relationships I am talking about will come back strong, but I am terrified of losing them too. We all tell ourselves stories, it’s rewritten them that’s the hardest part.
What stories do you tell yourself? And would they surprise people in your life?
Stories I tell myself about myself
That pulling up my high waisted yoga pants will smooth out my tummy rolls for this photo.
That tummy rolls are unnatural… Heck no they aren’t, they are a normal part of ones body and it’s weirder if they aren’t in the photo. When your sitting crunched in, the bodies got to go somewhere.
That my tattoo looks fantastic, maybe in pictures but it definitely needs a touch up.
That the light on the right hand of the picture, is an alien head or something. It’s just weird and totally ruined the mood of these pictures. Too bad I am far too lazy to edit it out.