If you have to Cry Go Outside by Kelly Cutrone

and other things your mother never told you

I bought this book because ...Love Maegan wrote about it. It was a really long time ago, and I have searched for her post about the book but I can not find it. Which kinda makes me sad, but on to my thoughts.
I am gonna share tons of quote from this book, because there is just so much I love about this book. The main thing I love about this book though is TRUTH. She states in there so many times that she DOES not lie. Will not lie. Not only does she think it’s totally not worth the time it takes to lie, but she builds her reputation on not lying.
I used to be a horrendous lier. It was way easier to lie to my family the to tell them the truth. By lying I got out of trouble and I prevented my parents from throwing a huge fit because at the time I believed they won’t be able to handle the truth. I still believe they won’t have been able to handle the truth and if I had told them how I felt truly at the time. They won’t have taken it very well and would have sent me off to major church counseling.
I had/have become so good at lying it’s almost second nature to me. And it shouldn't be. Lying can especially ruin my relationship with Mr. Truth is extremely important. And whether Kelly Cutrone realized it or not, her rants on truth, while sometimes take her off the topic of the chapter are really good and well helpful to me. It hit home.
On one side I really connect with her as I understand the religious background and getting away from the ‘dream’ your parents have for you. My parents claim they never conditioned me for getting married, but they certainly threw a hissy fit when I didn’t/don’t do things in a more traditional way.

”For women, life is set up like a video game. It starts out in childhood with the Disney princesses, followed by the need to become the  prettiest girl, the pop star, or the model, and then, in high school, we’re told that it’s time to become the thinnest girl, then to become successful, find a guy, convince him to move in with us, get married, have a baby, and live happily ever after! (Hell, yeah!) We’re constantly moving from level to level, trying to collect the promised prizes, without stopping to think about the order we want these things to come in, or whether we even really want them at all. From Cinderella right on up to He’s Just Not That into You, we’re inundated with programming that influences how and when we think we should experience various life steps and that makes it devastating when we find ourselves in another position altogether. Man of us grew up with our mothers literally serenading us with the words: First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage. Yes, our own mothers! The life-bringers themselves are in on this conspiracy.” pg 99

I have come along way in the last 5 years. And when Kelly said

”examine your real reasons for going along with these expectations” pg 122

It just makes me think of all the things I have done because it’s what my parents or friends expected of me or wanted me to do. It wasn’t something I was wanting to do. It wasn’t something that made me feel alive and excited. It definitely was something that put me in a dream like state just to get by. It burn out some of my dreams. I once dreamed of being a cop and joining the CIA and working my ass off to catch the bad guys. I have always waited to be super fit for these reasons. But family said that wasn’t possible, it was to much for a girl, that I couldn’t handle it. And I have let them tear me down to the point that my body is no longer fit and I will have to work so much harder to ever even come close to that goal. I might not become exactly that now (I want to stay out of the way of a bullet, I have something to live for now), but I definitely want to be fit enough to try out some Criminology classes. And while I may not have told Mr. all of this, and he might think I am completely crazy, I know for a fact that he would be 100% supportive and help me achieve that.
I have strayed off the topic of the book. I have a feeling I will be doing this allot.

”It’s time to figure out what you are selling and how you are going to make people want to buy it. In thinking about this question, consider your whole self, and don’t be afraid to embrace everything that makes you unique.” pg 130

Who am I?? What is my goal?? What am I trying to do??

”why must all female investment bankers wear pencil skirts and pearls and carry Tod’s bags?” pg 131

Kelly covers allot of topics. From breaking out of the model your parents have created for you, to finding your own self-worth and religion, to how to do your job and how to work with your boss.

”If you sell yourself as a hyper-organized, type A go-getter, that’s what you should be as an employee. If you sell yourself as a creative wellspring of ideas, well, you’d better believe your boss is going to want to hear them regularly.”pg 139

Makes me extremely curious as to what kind of person I showed my boss. How do I even sell myself to my boss. Did she hire me due to the previous training in the role or did she hire me because she honestly thought I was the best one for it? And why did she think that, if she did?? Today I have a meeting with my boss, regarding role-playing and scripting for referrals and making appointments. As well she wanted me to come up with a new system for handling incoming documents, so we stop having stuff go missing. It feels to me that since I have taken over all of a sudden we are having double booked appointments, random people showing up for appointments and tons of missing documents. Did this happen before or is it just since I took over the role.

1. No wife-beaters
2. No cleavage
3. No belly buttons
4. No muffin-top
5. No stilettos or heels over 3 inches
6. No flip flops
7. No gold lame (???)
8. Absolutely no corduroy
9. No belly piercings, eyebrow rings, facial piercings, or any other piercings that don’t involve the ear
10. Nothing obviously more expensive than what your boss wears
11. No Christian Audigier or Ed Hardy, which are forever banned from fashionable workplaces everywhere
12. No skipping the bra, even if you don’t think you need one
13. No cross-dressing
pg 156

I know I have shared allot of quotes and that this is becoming a really long book review. But I feel like I am not even close yet! There is just so much in this book and I just want to share it all with you!

”The more successful you become, the more people will project their fears and hatred onto you. This is true for anyone, but it is particularly true of women who dare to speak their minds or assume leadership.”pg 182

I plan on becoming successful. One of the reasons I read self-help books is to have a better understanding of myself and who I want to become and become better at disciplining myself and learn from successful people how to become successful!

But let’s face it:women have not exactly been wallflowers throughout history. Powerful women are not an invention of feminism or the twentieth century. Take Cleopatra, who rose to power in Egypt through some combination of smarts and brutality and sex appeal, or Hatshepsut, also of Egypt, who was one of the most powerful women in the world by 1492 BCE. The ancient world and ancient belief systems are full of examples of women who were both fierce and loving, both power brokers and peacemakers. It was only with the rise of more recent religions like Christianity and Islam that women were veiled and screwed into believing they were inferior and powerless and stuck. (“All these breasts are really distracting us from our important holy work; let’s make these women cover up, or better yet, let’s get rid of them entirely!”)” pg 182-183

I really enjoyed Kelly’s take on the word Bitch. Instead of allowing the word to become a negative thing, something harmful. She uses the word to benefit herself

"Truth be told, I have never seen "bitch" as a bad word. Instead I see the word for what it is: a reflection of people's lack of creativity and inability to acknowledge and embrace a powerful woman." pg 185

So this is a super long post. I hope you enjoyed it, if you made it this far. I am definitely going to be reading this book again. Happy Friday!

Some things Kelly mentioned that I am curious and want to study up on.
Kelly’s “religion”
- Universal Mother

I really can’t explain the Universal Mother in words. If we sad down and held hands together in meditation as women, we might be able to feel her truth, wisdom, and power. But no alphabet will do her justice, though people have tried over time: Mexicans call her Guadeloupe, the Christians call her Mary, the Egyptians call her Cleopatra, the Greeks call her Athena, the Buddhists call her Tara, and the Hindus call her by several names, from Lakshmi to Durga.”

- Hinduism

"But in Hinduism, for example, the feminine is represented by four different goddesses: one who brings grace and light (Maheshwari), one who destroys everything that is false (Kali), one who creates beauty out of what is left (Lakshmi), and one who puts everything in its place (Saraswati)." 184 pg

EDIT: found an awesome link 15 Questions with Kelly Cutrone

BooksAngela Tolsma1 Comment