Complete Without Kids by Ellen L Walker
Complete Without Kids: An Insiders Guide to Childfree Living by Choice or by Chance by Ellen L. Walker
My review kinda just jumps in... Read the description of the book and it should make more sense.
"I do not want children. When I see children, I feel nothing."
I may feel somethings, but usually it's annoyance. Especially children when they come into my work place. It's like parents don't care if their kids ran rampant throughout the building. They don't scold or punish their children when they rip my phamlets of the wall or intreupt important business meetings. I have actually made two children cry this year. The reason, I stop them from ruining things in my work place, I made them sit in the child's area we do have and they weren't allowed to move or I told them it would be very bad. Parents didn't even care that I did anything!
"Even if your're at peace with your decision to not have kids, are there times when you feel a loss because of pressures from friends and family or from the media?"
I don't think loss is the right word. I feel like, it's another thing I am being forced into by the people around me. When I say "We are not having kids" The reaction I always get is, "your young, you'll change your mind" or "you don't know anything yet, just you wait". If they bring up the whole what happens if it accidental happens, I always have to debate with myself how much of an augament to I want to get into with that person. Most people respond badly to "I would get rid of it"
"Some Negative Reasons People Have Children
The Biological Clock
Pressure from Media, Family and Friends
Fear of Missing Out
Proving Our Parenting Skills
Avoiding Being Mislabeled or Misunderstood
Idealication of Child Rearing"
I think people who have children for any of the reasons above haven't thought through the complications have children. And that's when they become stressed out, over-worked parents who don't know how to do anything anymore because their children take up everything. I also think that as much as they don't realize they come to hold a grudge against their children for putting the parents in a position where money's tight or whatever.
We are very compassionate about animals, but have far less tolerance for other humans. My understanding is that when you have children you are forced to become selfless, and we have never had that experience."
Intentionally Child-Free Adults
that is me... and Mr. We both have come to the decision not to have children. Mr. knew from the start of our relationship where I stood on having children. He already had a large dislike for them, so the final decision not to have any was easy for him to make. I have known I wouldn't have children since I was 12 about six months into my mother's 3th pregancy. Well, I didn't have the wording at that age, I realize now that at the time I just couldn't understand why someone would put themselves through such hell only to have a baby that screams daily for 1 year. My mother's pregnancy's consisted of weekly hospital trips, doctors, and horrible babysitters. While I was excited to have a baby brother the idea that my mother would put herselve through 9 months of time spent in and out of hospitals didn't make sense to me.
When I was born I spent a month in the hospital, my mom's pregancy wasn't that hard. With my first sister, she didn't have much trouble that I know of, the usual morning sickness, but not much else. Mom lost one in between us and then ten years later had my brother, where she spent 9 months in and out of the hospital, we where at the hospital at least once a week, until we got home care. My sister and I were tossed to the side and a friends mom took care of us. She was a horrendous woman, who looked for reasons to beat us. Then we did it all over again two years later with my second sister, except that I was strong and demanded a different situation.
My experiences with my mother's pregnancies, added to the fact that after my second sister was born, my parents uprooted us to the middle of nowhere and then left me to babysit a 10year old, 2year old, and a six month ask strengthened my decision not to have anything runts. On to of that there is the logically side of things. It's a massive commitment to have children. You have to have the funds to raise them for 18 years. Each one you have the more money you spend. I watch my parents struggle to put food on the table even now, it's difficult for them to make ends met. They also don't always make the best financial decisions.
On top of that, I don't think I would make a very good mother. I have a hard enough time sharing Mr.'s and mine's clothing budget with Mr. I like clothes, I like to shop, I like to enjoy myself and have fun. I don't want to share my hard earned income with a third body. I want do too many things to waste time with noise makers.
"Intentionally childfree adults tend to prize their autonomy, their ability to maintain control over their environment, and their economic security"
At first I started reading this book, because I was curious about others thoughts and I wanted affirmation on my choice. But reading through I just found, it was something I didn't need anymore. I already know I don't want to have children reading a book doesn't change anything and then I got bored of it. It's a good book outside of some minor grammar and spelling issues and I am glad to have read some. There is definitely some things I didn't know and it's great to know I'm not along and I will be able to find people who have made the same decisions. And that concludes the reading of this book.